6.13 Horns





Original Air Date: January 18, 1995 Production number: 77812
Written by:
Jeff Melvoin Directed by: Mike Fresco

Shelly: How come when men get horny it's OK, but when women get horny it's a disease?
Cicely Water
Log line (1): The newly bottled Cicely Water causes some unusual role reversal behavior; Joel learns that he's free to leave Alaska and Cal Ingraham is depressed without an audience.
Synopsis (1):

Maurice is elated over his new water processing plant of Cicely Water, Inc. for a seventy-million-year-old source of fresh water that he discovered. When the bottled water hits the stands in Cicely, consumers seem to be taking on character traits of the opposite sex. Phil is the first to suspect something after examining several men suffering symptoms caused by sexual activity because of their wives increased demands. Against Maurice's wish, Phil calls a town meeting to reveal his revelation but is greeted by the accusation of being sexist. Later, when Maurice realizes the truth about the water, he recalls all that is in stock.

After devoting five years to the State of Alaska, Joel learns that the extra year added to his contract was a bureaucratic mistake. In preparation to move back to New York, Joel returns to Cicely to gather his belongings. Between gulps of Cicely Water, Maggie is obsessed with his physical presence and flirts with him. He is totally unresponsive and deeply upset that Shelly took his rare tapes and refuses to give them back. He finally gets the tapes back after almost getting into a fight with Shelly and then leaves them for her, realizing that he still has work to do on himself. He burns all of his most cherished possessions before heading back to Manonash to search for an inner discipline.

Barbara Semanski is in Cicely in search of the violinist turned felon, Cal Ingraham. After accepting a peace offering from Maurice of Cicely Water, she approached him at the radio station and is relentless in her sexual appetite. Maurice realizes that he needs more than just sex and finally believes Phil's theory.

Ed cures Cal's loneliness and inability to leave Cicely even though it is dangerous and risks his getting caught. It seems he is left feeling empty playing alone in the woods so Ed sets up a secret performance in a barn and Cal draws life from the audience.

(Production Bible):

Joel's contract technically ends September 17, 1994.

Bertrand Montpelier, former engineer at Source Perrier, now chief engineer at Cicely Water.

Cicely Water's logos: "Cicely Water; The Taste of Time", "Cicely Water; Oxygen, Hydrogen, Nothing Else" and "Cicely Water; A Shot of Pure Alaska".

The water of Cicely Water is 70 million years old and can be found 1100 feet below the surface.

In 5 days, Phil treats 14 cases of genital abrasion, 3 groin pulls, 2 hamstrings and 1-hernia.

Cal's present place of residence is an abandoned bear cave, 20 miles outside Cicely.

Casualties of Joel's bonfire: Med school diploma, Joseph Abboud sweater, Armani blazer, golf clubs, gameboy.

Classical piece of choice: Bach's Partita No.3 in E-major

Movies of choice: "Yojimbo" and "Humoresque".

Most Memorable Quote: "You know Maurice, when I saw you standing by all that heavy equipment this morning, I said to myself, "That's one good-looking flyboy."

Guest stars (9): Phil Capra - Paul Provenza
Michelle Capra - Teri Polo
Officer Barbara Semanski - Diane Delano
Hayden Keyes - James L. Dunn
Bertrand Montpelier - Gerard Ismael
Pete Gilliam - Robert Nadir (also appeared in 1.1 and 4.11)
Sonny - Robert Nicholson (also appeared in 3.19, 6.9 and 6.10)
Marsha - Julie Sole
Cal Ingram - Simon Templeman
(Note music listed is from the original TV airings. The DVD may differ.)

[Help! I need names of missing tunes from the original airings - email me.]

• old instrumental tune when Barbara comes to check out the station for Cal.

The Weight
[Barbara sings, post-coitus.]
(thanks Karen!)

Bach's Partita No.3 in E-major
[Joel paddles off into the darkness.]

Shelly’s Earrings:

White box - cassette tape? [When Joel asks for his tapes back.]
Violins [When she gets the tapes back from Dr Joel and at Cal's show.]

Things I own from this episode:


Shelly's blue vest with the flowers (when she argues with Joel about the tapes)

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