Shelly (singing, of course):
So you were nice and normal to Dr. F.
And he acted like a jerk,
And you think if you're nice that he should be nice,
But Maggie, i don't it'll work.
No? Why not?
Like the lady with the snake
He's just like he is,
And that's how it's gonna be.
On her way to work one mornin down the path alongside the lake,
A timson-hearted woman saw a poor half-frozen snake.
His pretty-colored skin had been all frosted with the dew,
"Poor thing," she cried, "I'll take you in and i'll take care of you."
"Take me in, tender woman,
Take me in for heaven's sake
Take me in tender woman,"
Said the snake.
What happened after that?
She wrapped him up all cozy in her comforter of silk,
And laid him by her fireside with honey and some milk.
She hurried home from work that night and as soon as she arrived,
She found that pretty snake she'd taken in had been revived.
She clutched him to her bosom, "You're so beautiful," she cried,
"But if i hadn't brought you in, by now you might have died."
She stroked his pretty skin again and kissed and held him tight.
Instead of saying thanks, the snake gave her a vicious bite.
"Take me in tender woman," sighed the snake.
"I saved you," cried the woman, "and you bit me, but why?
You know your bite is poisonous and now i'm gonna die."
"Oh shut up you silly woman," said the reptile with a grin,
"You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in."
Transcribed by jude shabry - originally posted on the Moose's Guide to Northern Exposure